Me, with $20 in my bank account: Let’s see how much a Caribbean Cruise costs.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 8, 2023

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 31, 2023

I’m just an adult, trying to get the 8 hours of sleep I need in the 3 hours before my alarm goes off.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 7, 2023

People who camp are like, “But camping is so much fun!” and then tell you a story about how they had to fight a raccoon at 2 AM.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 6, 2023

I asked my 3-year-old what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday and she said “two cakes” which is the correct answer.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 1, 2023

Me, looking for my phone: *calls it 5 times*

Me, finding my phone: Wow! I have 5 missed calls.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 9, 2023

My daughter picked the lock on the bathroom door so she could ask me why I locked the bathroom door.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 21, 2023

Making a password as a teen: dolphinsarecool

Making a password as an adult: Dolphinsarecool!2

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 11, 2022

“Stop looking at your phone so you can look at what I’m trying to show you on my phone.”

~marriage

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 29, 2022

IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this tv stand?

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 30, 2022