My 11yo dirtied the kitchen table and actually cleaned it and bragged to me about what a good job she did. Then my 8yo messed the table up again and 11 was like, "Who ruined this table I just cleaned??" and that's when she learned karma's a bitch.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 27, 2021

8yo: I’m bored.
Husband, about to leave me in the house alone with her for the day: Why don’t you play the keyboard?
Me: I WANT A DIVORCE

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 19, 2021

My 11yo said when she dies she wants to be buried with her phone in case she wakes up, and honestly, same

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 22, 2021

[Considering whether a recipe is easy enough to attempt]

Recipe: First, finely chop—
Me: I’m out.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 9, 2020