you mean the spy who introduces himself to literally anybody he meets by telling them his first and last name? https://t.co/uD5cxPgpoE

— david (@_elvishpresley_) November 27, 2023

why is it that there are thousands of songs written about falling in love, but only one song about moving to the country to eat a lot of peaches?

— david (@_elvishpresley_) October 7, 2023

Snape: just flick your wand, say "accio," and whatever you desire will come to y–

Harry Potter: ACCIO MY PARENTS

*two corpses come flying thru the window*

Harry: [screaming]

Snape: lmao

— elvish presley (@_elvishpresley_) August 21, 2019

waiter: do you have any allergies?

me: latex

waiter: I mean is there anything you can’t eat

me: airplanes

— Elvish Presley (@_elvishpresley_) July 18, 2019