MILLENIAL LIFECYCLE

0-10: problematic cartoons

10: see 3,000 people die live TV

10-20: be told we will change the world

20: graduate into recession w/ historical debt

20-30: scratch & crawl for stability

30: pandemic

30-40: scratch & crawl for stability

40: climate, bye

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) March 24, 2020

losing my mind, just offered the aisle seat to the guy sitting between me and my gf on a flight, and he said he’d rather stay in the middle seat between us

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) December 8, 2022

I don’t understand how COVID is spiking again after we’ve tried everything from pretending it’s over to pretending it never happened

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) December 6, 2022

if you have a twitter crush on someone you legally have to tell them tonight

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) November 18, 2022

Covid has more rights in Texas than women

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) September 2, 2021

Macron giving off strong “Uncle on coke at a wedding asking you to invest in his app” vibes pic.twitter.com/cvqrLYMtQd

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) June 11, 2021

Me every day: *never shits myself*

Me packing underwear for a vacation: I'm going to shit myself 2-3 times a day

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) May 28, 2021

I'm no epidemiologist pic.twitter.com/p53ZAuc2Db

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) February 17, 2021

And on the sax, Mr. Harvey Weinstein pic.twitter.com/AlKzRxyIqp

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) January 9, 2020

Kevin Spacey: I want to end 2018 with the most disgusting comeback attempt of the year

Louis CK: Hold my penis

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) December 31, 2018