Applied for a passport this morning and the lady asked if I had one before, I said yes, when I was a kid. She said “at least 10 years ago?” I said idk Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix just came out and IMMEDIATELY she said “so 2007, you’re fine.” Lmaooo
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) July 26, 2019
Accueil / Résultats pour la recherche : "@SJSchauer"
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) October 22, 2019
being bisexual means i'm attracted to women AND keanu reeves.
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) July 8, 2019
reply with the worst design/architecture picture you have pic.twitter.com/ELhQc9rslY
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) August 10, 2019
Friend: did you know that only female mosquitos bite?
*later walking home*
Me, getting eaten alive: evening ladies
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) August 30, 2018
*airplane*
Kid: my daddy just died. Can I get the window seat so I can wave to him in heavenMe: no
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) February 26, 2019
*cat looks at me*
Me: hell yea
*cat walks towards me*
Me: HELL YEA
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) February 16, 2019
Condoms are single-use plastics and that's why I don't use them. Gotten pregnant 6 times but hey, the oceans are now marginally cleaner.
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) February 13, 2019