“Hope you’re all feeling refreshed after the break” I binge-drank and ate nothing but sugar for 10 days it’s a miracle I’m alive

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) January 2, 2024

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) September 2, 2023

Me to my worm gf: cmon babe we’re going fishing

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) October 15, 2022

What do I do for a living? I’m the guy that takes you off email lists when you click “Unsubscribe.” No I havent done my job in years

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) June 20, 2022

Imagine using one of these to grab a condom off the nightstand pic.twitter.com/jDTOjVqjWC

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) June 8, 2022

Sometimes my hobbies (hiding eggs, eating jellybeans) just happen to line up with what society expects

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) April 17, 2022

Gonna show this to a baby and watch them have an existential crisis pic.twitter.com/Y3B08OhRiO

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) April 13, 2022

“Nobody wants to work anymore” personally I have never wanted to work

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) April 6, 2022

Excited to start another round of my favorite pandemic game “what hobby or interest will I base my entire personality on this month?”

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) January 28, 2022

If you start watching Endgame at exactly 9:30 PM tonight, when the clock strikes midnight you’ll still have like 45 minutes to go that shit is long as hell

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) December 31, 2021