[struggling to find something in common with my date] FIFTH favorite cheese?

— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) January 4, 2024

me: so my balls are so huge they make my dick look small when it's actually average
bartender: [polishing a glass trying to ignore me] that's crazy

— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) October 17, 2023

[stopping the tattoo artist 15 seconds into my "feel no pain" tattoo] ok so you're gonna laugh

— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) November 8, 2021

me: [about to have sex] ok, don't cum too fast
my penis: sure thing pic.twitter.com/dFOMThjYA1

— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) August 10, 2021

date: probably losing a loved one. what about you, what's your biggest fear?
me: driving into a wall that someone has painted to look like a tunnel

— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) February 19, 2019

[whispers to IT guy as he cleans a virus off my work computer] i thought bukkake was a type of sushi

— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) February 3, 2019