I'm the guy in Jurassic World who grabbed his margarita before running away from the dinosaurs

— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) June 18, 2015

My morning routine includes me sitting in bed thinking about how tired I am

— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) October 20, 2018

Wtf are you supposed to get your mom for Mother’s Day when she deserves a solid gold mansion overlooking a waterfall in the heart of wine tasting country but all you have is $3.74 in your bank account??

— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) May 10, 2020

If you don't procrastinate until Sunday night every weekend and hate yourself for it, are you even a college student?

— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) October 23, 2017